Today, Tomorrow, and yesterday

Pefectionism is one of my defects.  I love to make things perfect, or not do it all.  I think it's my overwhelming sense that i have to control things; life, feelings, thought.  One thing i have realized is that i have to no real control, just abstraction.  Infact, at any moment anything can happen.  That is if I let it happen, be real.  That also is a struggle.  The most beautiful moments in my life is when im being real, having conversations that matter and being good to my life.  Indeed that cheesy thing called "self-loving" seem realms true, and not present enough in my life.  I beat the shit out of my self because i forget that im a good person.  I could list far more character defects than assets.  Here are my assents, Im compassionate, loyal, and kind.  Its sad I cant think of any more. I dont think im that funny.  I try really hard some times, but I end of making a fool of myself.  Im really sick of playing the fool.  It has become old, and unfitting.  although I might be moving, I will still be me.  I want to change, not just geographically, but mature.