Today, Tomorrow, and yesterday

Pefectionism is one of my defects.  I love to make things perfect, or not do it all.  I think it's my overwhelming sense that i have to control things; life, feelings, thought.  One thing i have realized is that i have to no real control, just abstraction.  Infact, at any moment anything can happen.  That is if I let it happen, be real.  That also is a struggle.  The most beautiful moments in my life is when im being real, having conversations that matter and being good to my life.  Indeed that cheesy thing called "self-loving" seem realms true, and not present enough in my life.  I beat the shit out of my self because i forget that im a good person.  I could list far more character defects than assets.  Here are my assents, Im compassionate, loyal, and kind.  Its sad I cant think of any more. I dont think im that funny.  I try really hard some times, but I end of making a fool of myself.  Im really sick of playing the fool.  It has become old, and unfitting.  although I might be moving, I will still be me.  I want to change, not just geographically, but mature.  

The first smell i remember is apple sauce. Not apples. But apple sauce.  

The smell.  Calgary smelled like dust cloud and sweet wheat. London smelled like  hot mold. The Underground smelled of old air, humidity, and sweat.  Nanaimo smells like the mill and saltwater.  Some days so fresh it burns. So many smells....

I always had it.  It was covered by a blanket of smoke.  Its been about ten days since my last cigarette. Its discomforting to think of all the things I missed, so many smells.. 

The Blog, is this really what we have resorted too?  Never mind a simple phone call or a doorstep visit, thats so 2oth century.  Well here it is, my useless blog to share with you all. And here it is.  Are you ready?  

"Cry cry cry, poor me, no one understands me, bla bla blog."

Hopefully that inspired greatness in your day and will help you achieve the life you want.  

Oh and don't forget to whipe the dust off.